


Overshadowed By Doubt

by catherineisa



Series: Prompt Fills [1]
Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: Gen, Ressler has anxiety, Serious Talks, tics (sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24405043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catherineisa/pseuds/catherineisa
Summary: Ressler finds he can't suppress old nervous habits.
Relationships: Depends on how you read it - Relationship, Elizabeth Keen & Donald Ressler, Elizabeth Keen/Donald Ressler
Series: Prompt Fills [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762387
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Overshadowed By Doubt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hearteyesmotherclucker](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=hearteyesmotherclucker).



Ressler never liked admitting his own wrongdoing.

It's incalculable, there's no viable excuse and he can't help but feel that the ship has sailed on whether he can do the right thing. He shaking. He knows he’s done something wrong but admitting to someone else takes all of his control. Control of the situation, control of the narrative. No matter what though, people have their own ideas, their own views on him. It always makes him nervous when he walks around the post office and catches someone's eye. He always straightens his shoulders and raises his chin. Pretend it doesn't matter what they say about him. Secretly he's not so confident though, constantly afraid that someone will see right through him, especially Reddington. Nothing would be worse than Reddington's clever tricks used against him. He can imagine the smug bastard's smile as he revels in his dredged up insecurities.

  
He's distracted from his thoughts by Elizabeth as she sits beside him. She's got some kind of prepackaged salad, and she elevates her feet on the desk to easier use her legs as a surface. "I heard you shot the suspect." Her tone isn't accusatory or helpful, just straightforward. There's nothing in her voice to tell him how to proceed. 

  
"I stopped a criminal from getting away." He tries to keep his tone even. he remembers the man's face, before the bullet shattered it. He was afraid, both of them were. They had gun's pointed at eachother. The man tried to negotiate but the door slammed and in that second he took the opportunity and ran. It takes a block for Ressler to catch of and the man is slipping through a fence. He's looking back but he's too fast and holding the gun back at Ressler and Blam! The bullet makes it's impact. He can hear Aram blanching as he hears the various cracks and squishes.

  
"You shot him in the face. Aram said his face 'Blew up' " She puts the words in quotes, fork still in hand. shifting her legs slightly and opening her salad. She takes a moment to stir some kind of dressing into one corner of the plastic container. She takes some of the salad on her fork and dips it into the dressing, taking a bite.

  
"So if you're sure you were just stopping a criminal. Why are you shaking? Wringing your hands?" He makes a small strangled noise in his throat. He unclasps his hands and presses on his thighs, trying to keep them still. He can't help but feel like a small child being chastised. Except, he's older and he's got much bigger problems than taking an expensive candy bar out of his fathers desk and lying about it. He thinks about what will happen if they decide that the shot was uncalled for. He knows his career isn't on the line but there's also the very real possibility of being formally reprimanded and having to give up his sidearm. That would be a whole other set of problems. He can't imagine work without his service weapon. Which when he was starting out, when he was partnered with Julian had jokingly been named Tanya. Julian never really clearly said why he picked the name but remembers that one time he mentioned that 'It was a cheap whores name' possible ex girlfriend but Donald never found out.

  
He digs his fingers into his legs but doesn't take his eyes off of Elizabeth. He can't.

There's still no change in her demeaner as she keeps eating.

  
She's so cavalier about it but she's still not smug. She's trying to help him.

  
"Tense?"

  
He inhales clasping his hands again and inhaling deeply. Looking up to ceiling before looking back at her. Exhaling.

"You said it yourself. Shaking. Wringing my hands. I shot a guy in the face, because we were chasing him on the word of a criminal. I don't even know what to think anymore. I don't trust him but I don't know what else to do. Except follow his lead. I mean we've been working with him a year and we've caught how many criminals. Discounted only by how many end up dead? That's pretty good. Excluding the guilt I still feel."

  
Liz nods. "Yeah. I don't trust him either, at least I try not to. There's something there though. I can't help but also." She pauses and takes her legs off the desk. She sets the salad aside, putting her elbows on her thighs. Her voice is quiet when she continues. "Actually trust him. I mean he's saved our lives time and time again. I mean I'm not defending him, but I can't seem to make up my mind. The revelation that he's my father is another brick in the face too. I feel the guilt too, though." The last part comes out as a whisper. He can't help but agree. With the trust, the guilt.

  
"I hate him but since Garrick. I don't think that he going to pull a runner on us. Not fully at least. Have you tried Nick's Pizza though?"

He changes the topic when it seems to get deep. He can't help it. The deflection. It's too much too fast. Too real.

  
"Surprisingly good. Is that his business or is it just a front? Too good to just be a front. Right?"

"Definitely. Reddington's got all kinds of friends though so chefs aren't really out of his reach. Right?"

He hums lightly. He's still shaking, but it's not so visible now. He feels just a bit better. He feels like he hasn't really talked to anyone recently. He looks around and Aram and Meera are laughing about something he can't quite hear.

  
With friends like these he thinks he just might survive Raymond Reddington. 


End file.
